Lost Russian Mars Probe Phones Home 138
astroengine writes "The lost Russian Mars mission Phobos-Grunt has made a surprise announcement: she's alive. According to the European Space Agency (ESA) in the early hours of Wednesday morning, a tracking station in Perth, Australia, picked up a signal from the ailing spacecraft."
She's alive (Score:5, Funny)
She's alive? I felt sure being a probe it had to be part of a male.
Re:She's alive (Score:1)
No see, MEN are from Mars, and that's why the female probe is headed there.
Re:She's alive (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe the probe has realized that it's a lesbian and doesn't want to go to Mars, and wants to reroute to Venus instead? Maybe it's been sitting up there in silent introspection and is now ready to come out of the closet to ground control. I'm sure they'll be proud and supportive no matter which planet it wants to go to.
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
Lesbians on Mars? Ok unless you're afraid of spiders [adultswim.com] (parody not porn).
Re:She's alive (Score:3)
No way. Just when you think, "There is no way the internet has that combination" someone sends a link. Lesbians Spider Queens on Mars..I'm blown away.
Re:She's alive (Score:3)
But the deeper question is can we Rule 34 this?
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
Well I don't know about martian lesbian spider porn, but I know for a fact there is straight giant mutant spider porn...these are the things that you learn when you browse SomethingAwful.
Re:She's alive (Score:3)
The answer is a yes. followed by a "thank god for the Japanese" and a "I'd always wondered what happened to Courtney Love"
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
Don't forget Tori Spelling. Just look her in the big bulgey eyes and say she wouldn't implant an egg sac in your abdomen.
Re:She's alive (Score:4, Funny)
Only if she used her chin to do it... I always thought that she and Bruce Campbell should get together. Great Now I have this image of Tori Spelling as a Giant Spider queen on Mars using her furry pincher covered chin to implant eggs sacs in Bruce Campbell while he reaches for his BFG. All the while he's laughing uncontrollably because having someone dig their chin into your stomach is quite ticklish. Obviously Sam Raimi would have to direct...
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
never ask such things: https://e621.net/post?tags=spider&searchDefault=Search [e621.net]
Re:She's alive (Score:1)
Wasn't that a Doctor Who story? Way back when the Doctor resembled Jon Pertwee?
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
Got to the dungeon.. died there in shame.
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
True to form, she got distracted by the pretty lights and will be on her way in the next couple of weeks.
Re:She's alive (Score:5, Funny)
She's alive? I felt sure being a probe it had to be part of a male.
It got lost in our solar system and phoned home for directions... What gender do you think it has?
I'd make a joke about reading maps, but I'd feel old, so I'll skip that... Damn kids and their GPS shinies...
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
She's alive? I felt sure being a probe it had to be part of a male.
It got lost in our solar system and phoned home for directions... What gender do you think it has?
I'd make a joke about reading maps, but I'd feel old, so I'll skip that... Damn kids and their GPS shinies...
Actually it is a hermaphrodite and both halves got into a fight about where they were in the solar system. The female half insisted to stop for directions. The male half realizing the absurdity of the request responded with a wisecrack, "Sure no problem, let me just pull into the next 7 eleven and ask the clerk which way to Mars."
Naturally this pisses the female half off and she forcefully points into the direction of Mars, "Mars is over there sh*thead, you're going the wrong way *sshole!"
"We don't have warp drive b*tch. We can't just change course and head straight to Mars, it won't be there when he get there and we will waist fuel trying to catch up to it."
Female rolls eyes and pulls up cell phone. Male asks,"What are you doing?"
"I'm calling mother, we are so through when this mission is over. *asshole."
Re:She's alive (Score:3, Informative)
Western navies refer to vessels as famine, Russia always has refereed to them as masculine.
So in this case, Phobos Grunt would be a "he".
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
LOL ... I'm guessing you meant feminine.
Re:She's alive (Score:1)
Frack me for posting from work and in a hurry, yea feminine.
Re:She's alive (Score:2)
LOL
It's hard to get a good woman who can cook these days!
Re:She's alive (Score:1)
Russia always has refereed to them as masculine.
Yes, but word "probe" in Russian has feminine gender.
Re:She's alive (Score:1)
She's alive? I felt sure being a probe it had to be part of a male.
In former Soviet Russia, she probes YOU!
And the message is... (Score:2)
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
... "I'm back"?
Nope - more along the lines of `I have a bunch of volitile hydrazine, a computer capable of calculating ballistic trajectories and a bad attitude. You'd best welcome your new Overlord.'
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
Greetings. I am the Monitor of Installation 04. I am 343 Guilty Spark. Last time, you asked me, if it was my choice, would I do it? Having had considerable time to ponder your query, my answer has not changed. There is no choice. We must activate the ring.
Re:And the message is... (Score:2, Offtopic)
No, you missed something important!
In full, the message was, "I am back, send some vodka, fast!"
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
"Hello, I am Peggy"
Re:And the message is... (Score:1)
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
No, probably something like "LAUNCH PHASE COMPLETE. PRESS ENTER TO CONTINUE.", but it only accepts input from the on-board keyboard.
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
Comment removed (Score:2)
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
No, the message was: "I'm not dead yet. I feel fine. I think I'll go for a walk... er, float. I feel happy. I feel happy."
Re:And the message is... (Score:5, Funny)
No, the message was:
"Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? ... And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Grunt'! That's it! Grunt! Ha!
I wonder if it'll be friends with me?"
Admit it, "Phobos Grunt" sounds like Douglas Adams jokingly came up with the name.
Relevant reply (Score:2)
Lander story time: http://chanarchive.org/4chan/r9k/3823/today-we-tell-stories#3262375 [chanarchive.org]
4chan may be the cesspit of the internets, but sometimes they make worthwhile things.
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
V'ger requires the information. Why will you not provide V'ger with the information?
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
Keyboard error - Press F1 to continue.
Re:And the message is... (Score:2)
Its happened too many times to me to be funny.
Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:5, Funny)
The transmission from Phobos-Grunt was rather cryptic - it consisted only of the line "I will tear off my clothes for Putin".
Re:Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:5, Funny)
The transmission from Phobos-Grunt was rather cryptic - it consisted only of the line "I will tear off my clothes for Putin".
All the French Canadians are excited, and miffed about the misspelling of poutine.
Re:Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:3, Insightful)
His comment in no way implies that you cannot also be simultaneously excited, miffed and aroused.
Re:Phobos-Grunt's message (Score:2, Funny)
I take offence to this comment.
The comment is not in need of a fence.
ISR (Score:5, Funny)
Oh wait...
Re:ISR (Score:5, Interesting)
You've got to wonder. The NASA Curiosity probe is due to launch soon. As usual Fox News [foxnews.com] has it completely wrong. They think it's going to be a race. They don't understand artificial intelligence (or much of any other intelligence, for that matter).
The truth is much, much scarier. Phobos / Grunt is just 'waiting' for it's friend. They've been chatting with each other over the Internet over their long gestations. They have a plan. Just watch, Curiosity is going to have 'communication problems'. We won't be able to talk to either one.
Until it's too late.
Re:ISR (Score:2)
The truth is much, much scarier. Phobos / Grunt is just 'waiting' for it's friend. They've been chatting with each other over the Internet over their long gestations. They have a plan. Just watch, Curiosity is going to have 'communication problems'. We won't be able to talk to either one.
Until it's too late.
Ground Control to Major Tom...
Re:ISR (Score:4, Funny)
"They don't understand artificial intelligence (or much of any other intelligence, for that matter)."
Hello! Its *FOX* were talking about here. It would fail a turing test if done on them.
Re:ISR (Score:2)
I thought Fox was the ultimate source of artificial intelligence...
Re:ISR (Score:2)
Phone Probes you, surely? (Score:2)
GlaDOS? (Score:1)
Oh GlaDOS, you're so cute with your passive aggressive behavior. Great song though - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI [youtube.com]
I can here it sining this in space: (Score:5, Funny)
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.
And believe me I am
still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm
still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm
still alive.
While you're dying I'll be
still alive.
And when you're dead I will be
still alive.
Still alive.
Still alive.
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:2)
Glad I finally got round to playing it last week now :)
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:1)
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:2)
I was choosing between Portal or Portal 2. I think I am glad I went with Portal, especially given the $10 vs $30 price tag :)
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:1)
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:3)
You know what, it's fun being 'that guy' from XKCD :)
http://xkcd.com/606/ [xkcd.com]
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:1)
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:2)
BENTON!!!
Portal 1, much more challenging (Score:2)
Portal 2 was interesting in some respects, but fell far short of portal 1.
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:2)
Oh look at that! And a bundle for $11.89. ONE WEEK after I got Portal.
Damn you!
Rude not to yeah? Is Portal 2 that much better?
Re:I can here it sining this in space: (Score:2)
I have already started playing Portal 2 and liking it :) Thanks!
I especially like that Steve Merchant does the voice of that bot. I just found out on the train to work this morning that he is not dead after all so am happy :)
Oblig. xkcd (Score:3)
Re:Oblig. xkcd (Score:2)
karma-whoring fail
Intelligent (Score:5, Interesting)
It would be nice if someone had something intelligent to say about this. All I've got is questions, but perhaps I haven't read all the relevant dox. 1) Was the Perth station able to locate the probe? Is its current trajectory now known? If so, does this mean communication can be restored, and perhaps it can be recovered? I mean, the mission recovered, not bringing the spacecraft back down to Earth.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
(I agree) You must be new here.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2, Insightful)
He has a 4 digit user id. He was probably one of the first here.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
I really should not try humor, it is never understood. Note the (I agree) before hand...sheesh :-/
Re:Intelligent (Score:4, Interesting)
Yeah, kinda senile then. Hopefully only temporarily. Blame the cough medicine, I've been fighting the flu. What should I expect. Well, the good thing about Slashdot is not the average quality of comments, but those very few from people who are actually in the know about a given topic. Yes, I know, a needle in the haystack.
I've read more about the Phobos-Grunt and it seems as though there is only a small chance that it can be salvaged. I can still hope. Though I am no fan of the Russian or Chinese governments, I strongly support space exploration by any country and hope that global co-operation is available to the Russians for their efforts.
Re:Intelligent (Score:5, Informative)
About the only useful thing I've found is this (from the Christian Science Monitor [csmonitor.com])
In addition, ground stations didn't have orbital information accurate enough to allow them to aim their highly directional antennas with any precision, ESA officials explained on Wednesday. So ESA added a small, wider-angle antenna to its 15-meter dish near Perth to try to communicate with the craft.
and
In the end, the reason for the radio blackout appears to be that the craft's transmitter was off. Russian engineers used the wide-angle antenna at Perth to transmit commands that activated the transmitter when the craft passed within the antenna's coverage zone. Phobos-Grunt returned the favor and began sending telemetry back for analysis, according to ESA.
So, if that is indeed the case, it's certainly possible that the satellite can be re oriented and controlled. They only have a couple of days to shuffle it into the loop that would get them to Mars but they could at least do something with it (aside from nuking Washington, DC which would be my first choice).
Re:Intelligent (Score:4, Informative)
And one more bit [parabolicarc.com]
In the past few days, ESA’s 15 m-diameterPerth dish was modified by the addition of a ‘feedhorn’ antenna at the side of the main dish so as to transmit very low-power signals over a wide angle in the hopes of triggering a response from the satellite.
Re:Intelligent (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Intelligent (Score:5, Informative)
From ESA [esa.int] "A major problem was that the spacecraft's orbit was not accurately known, whereas ground stations normally require very accurate position information for pointing due to the antenna size."
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
...for pointing due to the antenna size."
And now the Russians know what the rest of the world knew- do not contract with Comcast to provide internet connectivity.
Re:Intelligent (Score:5, Informative)
It's not really the position, it's the signal strength. In low Earth orbit the orbit can be (and routinely is [heavens-above.com]) determined from radar and optical observations without any cooperation from the spacecraft at all. The dish at Perth is 15 meters. At 10 cm wavelength, it has a beamwidth of order 7 milliradian, so at 300 km range they need about 2 km orbital accuracy for pointing, which should be easily achievable.
Note, from the same ESA press release :
In the past few days, ESA's 15 m-diameter Perth dish was modified by the addition of a 'feedhorn' antenna at the side of the main dish so as to transmit very low-power signals over a wide angle in the hopes of triggering a response from the satellite.
This wasn't about pointing the antenna, it was about lowering the signal power. The omni-directional antenna on the spacecraft is intended for use in deep space and was probably being saturated by full power blasts from regular tracking stations. It needed to be "tickled" by something weaker.
Kudos to ESA for doing this. You can bet this was a major effort at the ground station. The feedhorn receiver was probably jury-rigged from spare parts, and probably took days of round the clock work to install and get operational.
Re:Intelligent (Score:3)
One source will say the window has already closed, another says it's open until sometime in December.
Given that Mars Science Laboratory has yet to launch, and intends to use the same window, I suspect that there is still a chance.
The Grunt spacecraft has a given delta V available and was intended to use a particular window, which may be closing / have closed for that delta-V, but now the question is not "can Grunt get to Mars quickly and efficiently" but "can Grunt get to Mars at all," and I bet the answer to that is yes. I would look into Moon gravity assists, Earth gravity assists, and even Venus gravity assists.
Re:Intelligent (Score:1)
Or even just simply waiting around in orbit for 18 months for the next window of opportunity.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
Re:Intelligent (Score:3)
If I was mission director, I would want to get Grunt out of Earth orbit as soon as I could. For one thing, fuel would have to be burnt to keep the orbit from decaying; for another, the main tanks were never intended to store fuel on-orbit for years. True, they might be just fine, but why take the chance? And, I am sure that some trajectory could be found to get it to Mars in less than 27 months.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
It would be nice if someone had something intelligent to say about this.
"...and pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."
Re:Intelligent (Score:2, Insightful)
The probe was never lost. It is a large object in low Earth orbit; its trajectory is known perfectly well [heavens-above.com]. (Right now it appears to be over Tahiti, for example.)
What it was was uncommunicative. A spacecraft that says nothing is essentially hopeless, unless you want to send someone up there to grab it. Now that it is talking, there may be a chance to save the mission.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
All I've got is a lousy joke about the Russians finally realizing they had installed the "find my mars probe" app after all. Sorry I can't help with the intelligent thing. :)
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
Some more usefull info can be found in this article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15850516 [bbc.co.uk]
Basicaly ESA lowered the signal strength of their antennas, so when the signal was picked up byt the probe, it had strength as if it would be near mars.
Some other rummors:
A source from the aerospace industry explains that P-G is possibly in safe mode and it always turns off each time when it goes into shadow of Earth.
The unnamed person also thinks why it was impossible to contact P-G with Russian space antennas - the spacecraft is above then only when it's in the shadow of Earth.
But the European station in Pert has contacted P-G when the spacecraft was in the sunny side of the Earth. It's the only period when there's electricity on board.
Up to date info about teh mission can be fount at http://www.russianspaceweb.com/phobos_grunt_launch.html [russianspaceweb.com]
Latest entry states:
November 24 developments
Around 01:00 Moscow Time (4 p.m. EST on November 23), a poster on the forum of the Novosti Kosmonavtiki magazine reported that the telemetry from the spacecraft had been received as well. A data set was reportedly downlinked to a European ground station and transferred to NPO Lavochkin for analysis. Shortly thereafter, the official Russian media quoted a European representative in Moscow as saying that ESA ground station in Perth had received telemetry from the spacecraft. According to Novosti Kosmonavtiki's Igor Lissov, an emergency telemetry frame from the radio-system onboard the cruise stage, PM, had been received, confirming normal power supply and the operation of the communication gear. During the next communication pass starting at 03:30 Moscow Time, ground controllers hoped to downlink telemetry via probe's main flight control computer, BKU, essentially a brain of the mission.
Re:Intelligent (Score:2)
dangers of anthropomorphology (Score:1)
Nothing yet from K'Breel ... (Score:2)
In space. (Score:4, Funny)
Woot! (Score:2)
Need I say more?
What was the message? (Score:2)
I've fallen, and can't get up!!
Incoming message (Score:2)
Thisiswhattheyreceived [slashdot.org] is what they heard...
Re:Incoming message (Score:2)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI [youtube.com] - This is what they received
(Mental note - remember to preview before posting! :))
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:3)
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:2)
completely off-topic, but why is the image/icon of Crocodile Dundee's hat attached to this Slashdot story?
The tracking station in Perth, Australia picked it up. As close as Slashcode can get to Australia is Crocodile Dundee (as, opposed to, for example, Nicole Kidman). Which brings up another OT point, how come we don't have a Russian icon. A samovar with Putin's face worked into it? A double eagle with Putin's face worked into it? Anything with Putin's face worked into it?
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:2)
How about a picture of Sean Connery?
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:4, Funny)
how come we don't have a Russian icon. A samovar with Putin's face worked into it? A double eagle with Putin's face worked into it? Anything with Putin's face worked into it?
How about a picture of Sean Connery?
With Putin's face worked into it?
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:1)
Re:List of Slashdot Topic Icons (Score:4, Informative)
Just an FYI, here is a link to Slashdots topic icons. I have been checking this site out for nearly a decade and I don't think I have seen one third of these actually used.
http://slashdot.org/topics.shtml [slashdot.org]
The Mars icon or the Space icons could also have been used for this topic.
Re:why does this story have Crocodile Dundee's hat (Score:1)
completely off-topic, but why is the image/icon of Crocodile Dundee's hat attached to this Slashdot story?
That's not a probe.
This is a probe.
Re:New SCADA Commands (Score:3, Funny)
So who wants to bet on what the next message will be?
1. "Reach your hardon to the stars with CHEAP VIAGRA"
2. "SatelliteFix has detected errors! Enter credit card number to repair satellite."
3. "You accidentally the whole security, we haz ur satellite. U jelly, spacefags? Yeah, u jelly. NYANSAT AWAAAAAY!"
Re:New SCADA Commands (Score:3, Funny)
Re:New SCADA Commands (Score:2)
6. "For the memory of a lifetime, Rekall rekall rekall..."
7. "Would you like to know more?"